Resolving Conflict to Restore Fractured Worship
Far too many relationships, marriages, homes, churches, and communities fade due to a posture of evading discomfort rather than resolution. I have witnessed this reality in my own life. Rather than addressing frustration and misunderstanding – the default position becomes avoidance. Although mutual agreement is not always possible, Jesus compels us to develop attitudes and skills to handle disagreement maturely – the fruit of our worship is at stake.
At its core, worship is communication with God. Yet Scripture reveals that broken horizontal relationships can hinder our vertical communion. Jesus taught that reconciling with others takes priority, even over religious acts of sacrifice and worship. “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). Before we can freely worship and communicate with God, He obligates us to do the hard work of reconciliation with fellow members of His family.
The Call to Reconciliation
Our reconciliation with God through Christ compels us to pursue reconciliation among brothers and sisters in the faith. While complete restoration is not always possible, the initial act of communication is a crucial first step toward healing brokenness. Even when the severity of an offense makes immediate resolution unlikely, we must open channels for eventual reconciliation.
We too often avoid direct conversations to sidestep discomfort. However, glossing over issues merely bottlenecks reconciliation. Authentic communication requires acknowledging and processing anger and disappointment to move relationships forward.
Addressing Issues One-on-One
When conflict arises, Jesus urges us to address issues privately before involving others. “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother” (Matthew 18:15). It is tempting to triangulate others into a personal dispute. However, immediately involving outside parties rather than going to the source often escalates conflict through assumptions and groupthink.
Personal conversations focused on understanding rather than reacting are powerful for overcoming misunderstandings. The only way to resolve most relationship problems is through communication. With communication, almost anything is possible. Without it, almost nothing is possible. My college music director often said, “Communication solves all problems.” We must resist the urge to gather allies and make our case through others. Even in discomfort, direct communication is necessary for reconciliation and restored worship.
Managing Anger and Emotions
Uncontrolled anger easily flares into a destructive conflict that breeds bitterness. The apostle Paul warned, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). As James Peterson explains, “anger has its place, but unchecked, it impedes reconciliation. By processing anger before responding, we allow emotions to cool rather than speaking rashly in the heat of the moment.”
Productive communication requires that we are slow to anger and quick to listen (James 1:19). James Petersen states, “If we catch ourselves trying to play down the harshness of an angry comment, it may mean that we’re uncomfortable with anger ourselves. As listeners, our denial of anger can leave other people stuck in theirs.” We must cultivate emotional and spiritual maturity to handle conflict biblically. Suppressed anger hinders our worship, but properly channeled; it can lead to understanding and restored relationships.
The Gentle Response
Scripture implores a gentle reply to turn away wrath. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Jesus embodied this gentleness, and His example guides our responses. “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5). Despite holding all authority, Christ humbled Himself and responded with grace, even amid false accusations and hostility.
When we offer gentle, thoughtful responses, the tone of the conversation changes. We must regularly pray for supernatural wisdom and discernment in our speech. A spiritual life is a transformed life, and vital spirituality is measured by the degree of transformation we have experienced. Gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit that enables reconciliation.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Forgiveness plays a necessary role in resolving conflicts. “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man has a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye” (Colossians 3:13). While we are always called to forgive, complete reconciliation depends on both parties. Henry Cloud makes it clear: “The Bible is clear about two principles: (1) We always need to forgive, but (2) we don’t always achieve reconciliation. Forgiveness is something that we do in our hearts; we release someone from a debt that they owe us. We write off the person’s debt, and she no longer owes us. We no longer condemn her. She is clean. Only one party is needed for forgiveness: me. The person who owes me a debt does not have to ask my forgiveness. It is a work of grace in my heart.”
Though forgiveness can be difficult, we remember how Jesus forgave and pursued restoration with Peter after his threefold denial (John 21:15-19). Jesus’ acts of forgiveness toward the apostle Peter after his betrayal displays that communication breaks down when we forget our first love. Jesus did not rebuke Peter; instead, he asked the probing question, “Do you love me?” At a fundamental level, when two people genuinely sit down to resolve the conflict, they ask one another, “Do you love me?” Do you love me more than harboring the anger, bitterness, frustration from the conflict, misunderstanding, or injustice perpetrated against you?
Cultivating Effective Communication
Communication is central to resolving disputes. “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). Listening is just as vital as speaking. As Douglas Stone notes, “Often we go through an entire conversation – or indeed an entire relationship – without ever realizing that each of us is paying attention to different things, that our views are based on different information.”
Effective communication requires both parties to feel understood before finding solutions. We should avoid assumptions and seek clarification. Progress occurs when people are heard and validated. Stone continues, “People rarely change without first feeling understood.” Healthy communication builds bridges over which the Holy Spirit can operate to renew relationships.
Seeking God’s Intervention
We must seek God’s wisdom and intervention through prayer in challenging conflicts. “When a man’s ways please the Lord, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7). Pride can hinder resolution, so we need humility to hear God’s voice. Ken Sande advises, “If you believe that God is watching over you with perfect love and unlimited power, you will be able to serve him faithfully as a peacemaker, even in the most difficult circumstances.”
Prayerful dependence is crucial, along with listening to the Spirit’s guidance. As we surrender our interests in obedience to God’s will, He acts, often in unseen ways, to open doors of reconciliation. Our role is prayerful trust; His role is supernatural peacemaking.
Pursuing Peace and Edification
As believers, we are called to promote harmony and mutual growth. “Let us, therefore, follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another” (Romans 14:19). When we fully grasp God’s grace and no longer keep score of wrongs, we can live at peace with one another. Peacemaking is all about helping people get right with God, self, and others.
Making peace requires initiative, courage, and sacrifice. But the spiritual growth and enriched worship it brings are worth the effort. God is glorified when His children cultivate communities of grace, mutual service, and redemption.
Maintaining Trust and Confidentiality
We must respect privacy and exercise care when sharing details to build trust. “Debate thy cause with thy neighbor himself, and discover not a secret to another” (Proverbs 25:9). Sande advises that we can promise not to dwell on offenses, refrain from using them against others, avoid gossiping, and not let them hinder relationships. Discretion and confidentiality prevent conflicts from spreading destructively.
When we protect others’ reputations, even amid disagreement, it demonstrates the sincerity of our desire for genuine reconciliation. This builds trust and goodwill to strengthen relationships and community.
The Ideal of Living at Peace
Scripture urges us to live peaceably with everyone whenever possible. “If it is possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). When we experience God’s grace and forgiveness, it frees us to pursue restored relationships with others. Christian community requires modeling the love and reconciliation we have received from Christ.
Living at peace includes overlooking minor offenses, not keeping score, and readily forgiving. It means resolving today’s conflicts to prevent tomorrow’s bitterness. We create environments where authentic worship and spiritual growth flourish by pursuing reconciliation.
Conclusion
Applying biblical wisdom to conflict resolution is imperative, as broken relationships hinder our vertical communion with God. We must take the initiative to courageously “have the conversation” and actively pursue reconciliation. Scripture calls us to direct yet gentle communication, seeking understanding rather than making our case. As we humbly heed godly principles, the Holy Spirit empowers us to overcome brokenness through openness, forgiveness, and grace.
The result is deeper fellowship with God and one another, enabling uncompromised worship. When reconciling with others, we tear down barriers preventing wholehearted communication with our Creator. Therefore, we must diligently do the hard work of restoration to open channels blocked by conflict. As James Peterson advises, “If we deny and suppress anger, we leave others stuck.” Honest communication is the only path to reconciliation and worship. Let us “have the conversation” to enable pure, unhindered communion with God.
Action Step:
Take a moment to reflect on any unresolved conflicts or strained relationships. Choose one person with whom you can ‘have the conversation.’ Approach them with humility, a heart open to understanding, and a desire for reconciliation. Initiate the dialogue and take the first step towards resolving the conflict, knowing that this act mends earthly relationships and strengthens your connection with God through unhindered worship. (Matt 5:23-24)
Josh Cehulik 